The King who Failed as a Parent
2 Samuel 13

In the thirteenth chapter of second Samuel, we see the house of David in relationship to his daughters and sons. David had committed adultery, and had been confronted by Nathan, the prophet. David had been pardoned for his sin, but there were still consequences.

There is a spiritual principle which applies to each of our lives. Galatians 6:7-9 states, "Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

In the life of the Spirit, we have the freedom to make choices thus affecting our lives in many ways. These choices do not change the ultimate plan of God, but they do affect our lives and those around us, negatively or positively. God, in all His love, cannot remove those consequences.

David's life was never the same after his sin with Bathsheba. His kingdom and his family were affected because of that sin. The results were disorder, confusion, and turmoil. What came to take place in David's life after his sin with Bathsheba was not God's vengeance on David, but the reaping of his sin.

Ezekiel 18:20 tells us that children are not judged for their parents' sin and vice versa. Our example is transmitted from generation to generation. A parent teaches his child and when that child is a parent, he teaches his child, and so on. Somewhere along the line, there has to be a breaking of sin. The only way this can take place is when a man or woman turns to God, and is renewed by the Spirit and the Word of God. God does not judge each generation by the previous one, but each is responsible for his own sin; God does not deal with man according to his sins but by His mercy (Psalm 103:10).

David was a role model as king above all kings. He never went into battle without asking God, "Which way should I go, Lord? What should I do?" He did not strive to attain the kingdom; he waited until God brought it to him. Because he was brought up from a sheepfold through the line of armor bearer, captain, general, and king, he could empathize with the pains of the people and could minister to them. He was successful to everyone.

Did you know David was a king who failed as a parent? Let that burn in your heart. You may be a Christian; you may be successful in your business or career; you may be a role model for your church; an obedient servant of God, sacrificing all you can to help your brother; and may be one so sensitive to the voice of God that you say, "Here I am, Lord. Speak for your servant heareth", but it all adds up to nothing if you fail at home. According to the Scriptures, high on the priorities of a believer is the family. Jesus said, "You shall be witnesses to Me first in Jerusa-lem.'' That's home. "...then in Judea, then in Samaria, then in the uttermost parts of the world." If I fail my wife and my children, I have failed the Lord in obedience to His Word. Ephesians 6:4 states, "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Do you know how we, as parents, provoke our children to wrath? By not taking time to minister, train, pray, instruct, and supervise them. Instead, we shove our children into Christian schools and into Christian churches, but that will not do it. There are no substitutes. It is essential to spend time training and instructing our children, to spend time on our knees and before the Word of God and say, "Lord, give us wisdom that our energies may not be wasted!"

Qualifications for an elder in 1 Timothy 3:4-5 and Titus 1:6 are "One that ruleth his house well and has his children in subjection. One having faithful children, not accused of rioting or unruly". These qualifications are applicable to us all, and yet, how many of us have children that we cannot control? How diligent and consistent are we? We teach the child how to obey or disobey, and how far he can push us.

Our children need a role model. The reason why so many kids are confused and lost is that they have no role model. This is the area in which David failed as many of us do. He was not around consistently to teach his children diligently.

We are to be role models. We are to demonstrate the power of God in our lives. In 2 Timothy 2:6 it states that the husband must be the first partaker of the fruits. We can tell our children all about the power of God, how He can change people, but if our children do not see that change in our lives at home, then it will never register in their minds and hearts. That power first has to be demonstrated in our lives before it can be transferred to our children; we are to stimulate a desire in our children to possess like qualities. One of the major problems today is that there are no role models. There is no vision for the children, and no goals for them to attain. When the role model is not found at home, we provoke our children to wrath causing them to respond out of bitterness and resentment. Instead of trying to please us, they try to grieve us.
Amnon, the son of David, had a passionate feeling for his half sister, Tamar. He let Jonadab know what he felt. Amnon was frustrated with his feelings because Tamar was his sister, but Jonadab had a plan. "Just make believe you're sick, and ask your dad to tell Tamar to bring you some food. And when she comes in, grab her and rape her." Amnon followed Jonadab's advice. After this took place, however, the strong love that Amnon once had for Tamar turned into strong hatred for her because what he actually had had was lust for her not love. He wanted only to fulfill his fleshly desires. Who was Amnon's role model? David. Remember his sin with Bathsheba? Amnon very well could have said, "Hey, my dad did it. If he comes to me, I'll say, 'Dad, you took Bathsheba.'"

When we commit ourselves to certain sins and they surface again in the lives of our children, what authority and credibility do we have to say - "Don't do that!"? They'll say, "You did it." Paul said, "Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you" (Philippians 4:9). So, too, are we to stimulate our children to imitate us because we imitate Christ. You see, we duplicate ourselves at home first. We can look at our families to see who we are for therein lies the true evidence of our spirituality not in our public ministries.

We are not only to be role models, but teachers. We are commanded to teach our children. In Deuteronomy 6:4-9 it states, "Hear O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord: and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates."

Notice how closely related the command to love the Lord is related with the love for our children. The connection is that if we truly love the Lord with all our minds, hearts, and souls, then the evidence will be in our love for our children and our communication of the Word to them. We cannot say we love the Lord if we do not teach our children. We cannot separate that connection.

Deuteronomy 11:22-24 gives us a commandment with a promise. "...to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto Him, then will the Lord drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves. Every place whereon the soles of your feet shall tread shall be yours...'' As we are obedient to teach our children the Word of God, to minister by example, and pray for them, then the Word becomes reality in their lives. They will learn to think and distinguish between the life of the Spirit and the life of the flesh. The promise is that there is no power that can overtake them. They will be able to make decisions; they will not be in bondage to the things of the world.

The Word of God is so essential to our lives. Job said, "I esteem God's Word more than my daily substance. Even though you slay me, Lord, yet will I trust in you." Everything necessary for life and godliness is given in God's Word; this is why we are commanded to teach it to our children. In their first eighteen years, our children sleep one third of the time. Another third is spent in educational institutions. We actually only have them for six years. Out of those six, they are infants for three years. We are down to only three years, three years out of eighteen! How much time do you spend with your child individually? How much time do you take to minister personally to him? Your answer is important because not only are we to be models and teachers, but also supervisors. Our children need supervision. Many of our teenagers become involved in premarital sex, drugs, or with the wrong crowds because we give them no supervision.

Who, then, are the victims? Who was the victim of David's negligence, Amnon-who raped his sister Tamar, or Tamar- once innocent and now shamed? Absalom pondered on his sister's distress letting it turn to hatred until, finally, one day, he killed Amnon. David did not know his children or their temperaments and attitudes. David should have been able to recognize his son's problem and say, "Hey, Amnon, what's your problem? I've noticed how you have been eyeing your sister. You better watch yourself." But instead, what did he do? He sent Tamar into Amnon's bedroom. Who was really responsible for Tamar's rape? David. Knowing what had happened, knowing that Tamar was half-sister to Amnon, but a full sister to Absalom, David should have been able to discern and know that Absalom was going to hate Amnon and avenge Tamar. Instead, David gives permission for Amnon to go to the feast Absolom was having that he might be killed.

Are you aware of your children's habits? Do you know how they think? Are you aware of their weaknesses and strengths? As we supervise our children, we need to pray that God would minister to us about those weak and needful areas. We need to confront our children when it is absolutely necessary. By watching their behavior while they play with other kids, we can see things that we must hold up in prayer. We need to pray that God would minister to them by the Spirit so that they might experience the power of God in their own lives apart from us.

If you have recently accepted the Lord and already have children, the first thing you need to do is humble yourself before them. Sit them down and explain that because you did not know the Lord, you were not the type of parents you should have been in the past. You have not given them the quality time and instruction you should have. Because you are now in the Lord, you are going to start studying God's Word to see how He wants you to live. You need to ask their forgiveness because you failed them. Ask them to be patient with you as you work to become a family unit. As for your house, you are going to serve the Lord. There is a cost, but it is never too late. Your children are worth it.

Our children also need correction. Proverbs 3:11-12 states, "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, neither be weary of his correction; for whom the Lord loveth he correcteth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." Again in Proverbs 20:11 it states, "Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure and whether it be right." Proverbs 3:21-24 states, "My son, let not them depart from thine eyes; keep sound wisdom and discretion; so shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck. Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid; yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet."

David dealt very differently with Solomon than with his other children. By that time David had seen the calamity with all that happened; therefore, he said this to Solomon, "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine; forsake ye not my law. For I was my father's son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, 'Let thine heart retain my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom, get understanding; forget it not, neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee; love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom; and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee, she shall bring thee to honor when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace; a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee''' (Proverbs 4:1-9).
David changed his ways when it came to Solomon. He learned . . . the hard way. David repented and taught Solomon well. Solomon wrote much concerning the instruction of children (Proverbs 19:18, 22:6, 23:13-14, 29:15,17).

As parents, we can be faithful or negligent to God; presumptuous or holy in our liberty; indulgent or moderate; frustrated or fulfilled; self-centered or loving; rebellious or obedient. We can choose to protect, train, nourish, educate, correct, and pray for our children or we can just live for ourselves. In the story of the prodigal son, both sons were lost, one in the world and the other right in the house of his father. We must be good role models for our children, teaching them diligently, supervising and correcting them for

"lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children ofone's youth"

(Psalm 127:3-4).

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